$8000 Ship Destroyed In Eve Online Leads to Gaming’s Best Recorded Meltdown

 “So, to go over slowly, we cultivate the biggest, best, most awe inspiring intel network in the fucking game. We have no less than twelve Black Legion spies. TWELVE! Black Legion spies. Who any point could have told you, after you know, they hunted you for the better part of a fucking month that they had 50 dreads and a whole fucking tornado fleet sitting, WAITING, to do what? And you hunt where? Where do you hunt? Where do YOU pick to hunt? Right inside their fucking jump range. Right inside their fucking jump range!”

“If I could just say like a tiny bit of criticism, being inside their jump range is not that cool. It’s suboptimal.”

“Like…like…did any of you, did any ONE of you in the fucking fishing fleet ping anybody that has anything to do with anything at all and ask a single fucking question about whether or not it was safe for you to hunt right now? Ever? Did you even think to do it? No. So not one of you will get a single fucking penny. At all. As far as I’m concerned, you should probably pack your shit and get the fuck out because you are literally the fucking AIDS that is rotting the alliance from the inside out. You are pieces of shit. I hope you all fucking die.”

“Alright. Your mic is so bad V2Dubs.”

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!”

“He may have broken it in the rage.”

“I’m so fucking mad! They’re so fucking dumb! It’s not like it’s the first time. They’re fucking consistently fucking retarded!”

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“As far as I’m concerned, you should probably pack your shit and get the fuck out because you are literally the fucking AIDS that is rotting the alliance from the inside out. You are pieces of shit. I hope you all fucking die.”

So not only does PL have spies, and not only do they have spies in the Black Legion, but these spies could’ve told them that, “Hey, there’s like a bajillion ships over in this one quadrant for some reason so maybe don’t go there,” if one of them had bothered to ask. I’m beginning to see why Grath is so upset. I want to remind everyone, however, that he didn’t lose a ship because of this. He didn’t lose anything at all, and all this anger is just because the whole ambush thing makes his faction look stupid. At least, I think that’s what he’s mad about. His mic is really bad, but please don’t tell him I said that because I’m afraid he might suffer an apoplexy and explode. If he’s this mad though, I wonder how mad the people are that actually lost ships. The guy that had the Revenant must be irate. Someone just lead his precious ship right into a trap, and now it’s gone forever. I mean, that is a really expensive bit of code right there, so I would guess he-oh that’s right Grath berates him to the point where he’s apologizing for losing all his money.

“Not to mention with Black Legion sitting on him like a fucking nanny all goddamn month looking for his fucking stupid ass goddamn Revenant, you want to take it out and hot rod WHERE?”

“I didn’t know what the fucking destination was.”

“Right under their fucking nose!”

“That’s my bad. I didn’t know where we were going. That’s my bad.”

And that is why the whole group was so easy to ambush. Nobody knew where they were going, except for Bandwitdth who didn’t even go with them. They all just blindly followed where he lead them, none of them noticing that they were headed directly into enemy territory. He claimed that a “bro” had pinged for help, and what are bros for if not to assist your bros when said bro is in a crisis. Bro. What a master spy, right? Well, don’t let Grath hear you mention that.

“Bandwidth…we were set up.”

“You were set up?”

“Yeah…”

“You were set up? This isn’t…it’s not the fucking mob! They’re not coming to get you, you fucking idiot! You weren’t set up; you were stupid!”

“…excuse me?”

“Excuse you. You were fucking stupid!”

Seriously, don’t. I think he might hurt you.

“Jeff, we were set up.”

“YOU WEREN’T SET UP! YOU WERE JUST PLAIN FUCKING STUPID! I swear to God, if you say that again, I’m going to hire someone to come kill you.”

Man, somebody should really try to calm this Grath guy down. No mad, right Grath? No mad?

“Don’t tell me no mad! You stupid European piece of shit, go fucking kill yourself!”

And then we have good guy Jeff show up and try to ease tensions. I’ll give you one guess what Grath’s response is to this good natured, affable suggestion.

“No need to like totally be super dupe mad. Everyone who lost their ship, I’m sure they feel pretty bad about it. Let’s just go play Chivalry or something. How about that?”

“You’re a mother fucker, Jeff.”

And then we get to the point that Grath gets so mad he stops using words all together. I just love the guy who sounds like Milton from Office Space that is trying to explain to Grath what happened (like thirty minutes too late for it to be useful to anyone) and starts giving him information he already knows. Grath is trying to say that people should have responded to their questions when it was happening so they might have been able to react to it more appropriately, and this guy thinks it’s a good idea to mumble out the information now and ask if anyone has seen his stapler. Luckily, Grath gives this useless information the intellectual response it deserves.

“Call a primary and forty seconds of silence! ‘How many dreads are on the field?’ NOT ONE FUCKING ANSWER! The whole fucking group of them were mute retard fucks!”

“There was…uh…probably about 50 dreads on field.”

“About fifty? It was exactly fifty!”

“And…uh…about fifty supers….”

“BLERB!”

“Between the two of them. So y’know…”

“BLAHB!”

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“This isn’t…it’s not the fucking mob! They’re not coming to get you, you fucking idiot! You weren’t set up; you were stupid!”

At least, I think that’s what he said. I can’t understand Grath at times because his mic is just so terrible. Why would you invest all this time and money into an entirely online game and not buy a mic that doesn’t sound like you’re recording from the bottom of an active gravel quarry? I don’t know if he’s yelling or just trying to make sure his voice is heard over the destruction derby that seems to be going on in the background. This guy is clearly a high ranking member of one of the biggest factions of one of the largest online gaming communities and it sounds like he’s transmitting via a Speak-and-Say. It sounds like he’s-

“PLEASE DON’T TELL ME ABOUT MY MIC ANY MORE OR I WILL DRIVE THE TWELVE BLOCKS TO YOUR HOUSE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!”

Welp.

There it is. The Cliff’s Notes version. You should really listen to the whole thing, though. If you stick it out to the end, you get to hear Grath use a racial slur and it makes you feel even better that all this bad stuff just happened to him.

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