Far Cry 4 as Experienced by a Honey Badger

While some might assume that Far Cry 4’s world revolves around Ajay Gale, there are certainly more characters present that deserve attention. Unfortunately for some, if not all, of the non-human characters, their animal cries are not easily translated into English by players without much scholarly experience. Thankfully, we have exclusively obtained some translated dialogue from esteemed scholar Augustus Badgerius III, one of the many Honey Badgers populating Kyrat. These are his stories.

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Upon learning that Ajay Gale has killed and skinned every animal around:

Augustus Badgerius III: Oh my, what a lovely day for a community wine tasting! I just have to make sure that I have all of the necessary party favors to ensure a sophisticated gathering of all of the animals in Kyrat…minus those idiotic humans. My word, they go around shooting everything, and they’re far too underdeveloped to understand that our roars and attacks are meant to inform them that they’re not a part of our social hierarchy. They seriously can’t understand that the Bengal Tiger’s mating call is a simple repetition of, “Humans are plebians!”

Oh, bother, I’ve gotten myself all worked up again. Remember, Honey Badgers are incredibly adept at making the world think they don’t care about anything through brilliant viral marketing schemes, when in fact they are some of the most sensitive souls ever to roam this fine planet. Let’s get back to that checklist. For each vintage spanning from 2004 until this year, I have one bottle of Cabernet Savignon from my French vineyard. The whole grain toast points with aged brie seem to be accounted for. My butler is cycling through my Bach record collection, and the glassware was hand-blown by the Himalayan Monals just for the occasion. Now all I have to do is wait for the guests to arrive.

Two hours later, Augustus notices a page of Ajay Gale’s journal floating in the breeze. It reads as follows: “I shooted all the aminals and tooks all of teh skins! Yay!”

Augustus Badgerius III: Who is this savage?! I thought I heard someone firing an automatic rifle in the immediate area! Who in the world thinks that hunting with an AK-47 is even somewhat within the local hunting regulations?! Why are those Golden Path fools accompanying him all wearing denim vests? Is this some sort of back country Juggalo gathering? If no one showed up to my community mixer, that means this disgusting beast killed everyone! Myra and the Indian Rhinos were going to bring me that Frankincense I’d been longing for. Chester Karkadann was planning on reading his ancient scrolls. This mentally deficient ignoramus is going to pay!

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After witnessing Ajay Gale set an entire section of forest ablaze:

Augustus Badgerius III: And that, my children, is why using differential equations to explain thermodynamic principles is even more fun than sailing on the French Riviera! Now, you take a break from advanced mathematics to build elaborate model ships inside of bottles while I quickly play free safety for the Arizona Cardinals.

Ajay Gale: Fire pretty! Make big fire! Orange is a color! I like, I like!

Augustus Badgerius III: My estate! My beautiful estate! Why did you even think this would be a good idea? Don’t you understand that fire burns things?! First you brutally slay all of my favorite socialites and now you’re lighting my entire courtyard on fire?! Would you like it if I did that to you, ignoring the fact that I currently lack possible thumbs due to my extensive genetic modification research only being 75% complete?! I mean I finished the serum that allows me to appear at the most inopportune times and withstand the same amount of bullets as a raging elephant, but thumbs are still in development. That’s irrelevant at this moment, however. Also, is that a rifle made entirely out of gold? Wait…that’s the weapon I obtained during the latest Badger-Viper Peace Summit in Dubai?! Hmm…why does that wallet look like the bartender from the country club?

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While spotting Ajay Gale ripping every plant out of the ground:

Ajay Gale: Take some plants! Put in bag! I have all the leafs!

Augustus Badgerius III: Is that…is that my prized rhododendron collection?! Everything I’ve enjoyed has been replaced with cold, black despair. My life is over. I guess all that’s left to do now is hiss at pigs and make it harder for humans to maintain stealth status during important missions. After all, what would an open area be without random environmental elements ruining carefully crafted plans? But seriously, I definitely need to hiss at some pigs.