The gaming world is home to characters of all shapes, sizes, and athletic abilities. Heroes like Nathan Drake and Little Mac represent perhaps the pinnacle of virtual fitness, but there are many more who fall desperately short in this department. Luckily, we’ve compiled a list of the industry’s top offenders so you can start heckling them to hit the weights right away.
#5. Pokemon Trainer
Most of the Pokemon trainers we’ve come to know over the years have been in decent shape. They’ve traveled the world on foot and on bicycle, but when it comes to the real physical labor it’s always the Pokemon who find themselves in the fray. Pokemon trainers stand idly by as their “friends” fight to the point of exhaustion over and over and over, and then follow it up by riding their mangled bodies back to the Pokemon center. You know what’s faster than throwing a Pokeball? Punching someone in the face. It’s time to beef up, tear off your sleeves, and knock that little kid out before he can drop his level 50 Rhydon.
#4. Captain Toad
He may be a cute, cuddly little adventurer with a promising solo title on the horizon, but don’t forget: he can’t jump. The plucky mushroom-headed hero is lucky enough to only visit the parts of the mushroom kingdom made of conveniently constructed puzzles, but how much easier would his and your life be if he could work up even the puniest hop? It’s true Captain Toad is cursed with a small frame and stout limbs, but that wouldn’t stop a true adventurer. Once you get him pumping iron and working on that vertical leap, he’ll be outshining Mario in no time. (Luigi is another story)
#3. Captain Olimar
While it’s true that Captain Olimar never technically enslaved his Pikmin companions, he sure as hell never tried to help them out whenever they carried ship parts, pieces of fruit or enemy carcasses for him. The Captain needs to start doing his part, even if it means buying a burlier space suit. With a little time and dedication and the weight of millions of dead Pikmin on his conscience, it won’t be long before he’s lifting things on his own and finally acting the part of the intelligent life form.
#2. Sonic the Hedgehog
We all know Sonic is the fastest guy around, but can you imagine just how much faster he could be if he actually had some decent leg muscles? The hedgehog has some of the spindliest limbs around, and frankly it’s a wonder his legs don’t snap in half from sheer momentum. Knuckles has clearly spent some time in the weight room since we saw him last, so now the blue blur has even more catching up to do. With a few months of squats and some plyometrics, Sonic might finally be able to take a hit without dropping all his jewelry – assuming he can maintain bulk, that is, which his chili-dog binging might discredit.
You thought Sonic flimsy? Rayman has no limbs to speak of. None. Sure, he can punch and kick and fly around his gorgeous UbiArt world, but how much more deadly would he be if he had a full, muscular body? He’d have to start small, but with enough commitment and perhaps a dash of steroids the grinning hero would feel a changed man with some toned – and visible – extremities.