Features Cut From Saints Row IV Sound Like the Best Game Ever

In our preview of Saints Row IV, we detailed all of the wacky weapons and features that have already been confirmed. Dubstep guns, Inflat-O-Rays, and giant mech suits are only a sampling of the buffet of insanity you’ll be able to feast upon. While these all sound fantastic, what was even more amazing was the stuff that actually had to be cut from the game for one reason or another. When discussing the game at PAX, Volition went through a list of things that had to be removed, much to our disappointment. If these things had somehow been combined into a single game, we could have already confirmed it would have been the single most amazing experience in the history of video games. Take a look at some of this stuff.

A gun that shoots monkeys – This one pretty much gives you exactly what it says on the tin, but I think everyone can agree that this would have been the best weapon ever. You’d shoot the gun and monkeys would come out and attack people, and if you read that and didn’t smile I suggest you find a therapist immediately because you are suffering from some form of untreated depression. They claim this was a technical issue and they didn’t have time to get this working as well as they wanted, but I have to assume the real reason is that they were worried if this amazing weapon made the final cut, nobody would use any of the other guns.

Total destructibility¬† – This is something they’d “love to do” and “talk about all the time”, but unfortunately technical limitations have always stood in the way. The Geo-Mod system would only allow the designers to make the city so dense before they simply couldn’t add any more to it from a rendering standpoint. Thus, they were forced to choose between having an enormous and structurally sound sandbox to explore or a very tiny one that could be blown up. The decision makes sense, but we’re just a little disappointed to know that something this incredible was thought about before being shelved due to lame technological limitations.

Dragons – The logic here was that: 1) Skyrim is awesome and 2) Sure, why the hell not? So for a while the game had an actual, flyable dragons that you could mount and use to explore the city. Unfortunately, the issue was that the controls were not well polished enough where they felt comfortable putting it in the game. This one hurts most of all. We could’ve been exploring the city from the back of a dragon? Why even tell us this? Do you want to break our hearts, Volition? Now, when I’m flying around with my super powers, all I’m going to be thinking is “well, this is underwhelming.” Anything compared to dragons automatically loses.

Honestly, the stuff that got cut sounds like my dream game. If I had a game where I could fly around on a dragon and use that dragon to destroy entire towns, I’m almost positive I’d never leave the house again. I don’t even need huge cities. Just give me small towns; I’m totally fine terrorizing peasants. Somebody, please make that game.

Oh well, I suppose there is always Saints Row V: Assault on Middle Earth.